funny cute quotesWhat are some funny/cute quotes for my general box on Myspace?

I have already written About Me in my About Me box,,, ha. What are some random funny quotes for my general box?
Funny & silly quotes -

“My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.” - Ashleigh Brilliant

“When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.” - Mae West

“The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time” - Friedrich Nietzsche

“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” - Oscar Wilde

“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.” - Rodney Dangerfield

“The Jersey mentality is: I work, I drink, I stay up all night, I try to meet a girl, it's a waste of time.” - Gerard Way

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” - Drew Carey

“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.” - Oscar Wilde

“I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited.” - Oscar Wilde

“One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.” - Oscar Wilde

“I have nothing to declare except my genius.” - Oscar Wilde

Besides, you'll get thousands of funny quotes here -



Here are the sources -

Quotesdaddy.com/quote/59255/ashleigh" that you have 15 you enter for any question that goes to vote. Shameful!
--RetroRay

All of these quotes are from Groucho Marx, perhaps one of the wittiest people who ever lived………..just my opinion though.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

I worked my funny cute quotesway up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Military intelligence is a contradiction ifunny cute quotesn terms.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
As you go thru life
Whatever be your goal
Keep you eye upon the donut
And not upon the hole
love sucks
hilarious isnt it
cest la vie
What about we're a little crazy but that's how we roll. haha i like it !

famous spacecraftWhat is the famous painting that has the little UFO or spacecraft in the corner of it?

Painting of the Madonna and Saintfamous spacecraft Giovannino. Attributed to the 15thfamous spacecraft Century school of Filippo Lippi.famous spacecraft

signs of self injurySpeaking to a doctor about self injury and depression?

How can i explain to them how iv been feeling? and that i self injure? im not good at talking about things but im going to try my hardest.
any ideas?

and...can they send you to a psych ward if they see signs of self injury? or i tell them iv been feeling suicidal?
Just remember, a doctor is a professional. They aren't going to judge you or what you do, they simply want to treat your medical condition and help you feel better. Be straightforward and be honest. Self-injury and depression are not uncommon, and I'm guessing your doctor has dealt with this before.

Signs of self-injury are not enough for them to put you in a psych facility. You can read your rights here:
(and you can print a copy of them to show others).

However, feeling suicidal is grounds for a hospitasigns of self injurylization. Your doctor may refer you to a local ER where they can do a psych evaluation. Please, be honest with whatever questions that come up. If you're truly feeling suicidal, then you need help. Don't be afraid to get it.

Kudos for taking the first steps toward recovery. Remember: you are strong, you are brave, and you'll get through this. Good luck.
If you go to a psychiatrist, I think your aloud to talk about everything, but I have heard that If you are suicidal, or have thought about suicide lately, and you tell them that, they CAN send you to a psych ward. Trust me I'm in the same boat. My parents found out about everything, I told them that I would stop, but its just gotten worse and worse, I want to give in a go get help, but im scared to death they will throw me signs of self injuryin a psych ward knowing that Im having suicidal thoughts.

Goodluck Hun, hope this helped! :)
Don't. They will try to send you to a mental hospital. I got sent ones but my mom did not sign the agreement for me to be there. When my mom told me that. I cried.


Doctors doesn't know any better. I don't think they are so called professionals because of what I had experienced with them. It's better to seek a Psychiatrist hun.
If you would like to talk to somebody who has been through the same thing, please come to this site. It's absolutely free and you can talk for as long as you want. We aren't trained professionals, but we want to listen and help.

http://helperonline.bladetech.biz/contact.php

Please visit.

did get married too spoiler*New Hollyoaks Spoilers* warning this are spoilers and amazing spoilers too :@?

Justin To Get A New Love Interest
Louise Cheats On Warren.
Louise - Christmas Suicide???
LATE NIGHT HOLLYOAKS RETURNS
Justin's New Girlfriend Lelia???
Craig Asks John Paul To Marry Him???
Craig Tries To Stop Steph Jumping Of Cliff???
Warren And Mandy To Cheat?
Warren Begins To Blackmail Calvin.
The Valentines Wedding Aproaches And Things Arent Looking To Good.
Carmels Fake Tan Goes Horibly Wrong!
Sasha Turns Up With Only Half Her Hair Straightened!
NIALL ACTUALLY KILLS KIERAN
A new love in store for troubled Hannah...and it's someone very unexpected
NIALL EXPOSED! The truth will out and in a stunt filled episode, more than one member of the McQueen clan will be blasted out of Chester
When Newt Returns He Starts A Broverly Relationship With Darren
Malachy Finds Out He Is HIV positive.
He Gives It To Mercedes But Then is To Scared To Tell Her So Runs Away
Mercedes Sleeps With Kris For Revenge.
Kris And Mercedes Not Knowing They Have It Now!
Michaela Gets A Crush On Barnsey
Kieran Not Impressed With Craig's Return
John Paul Returns In October To Finish The Departure Of Niall?
The stress of keeping his secret gives Jack an angina attack, but how do you call an ambulance for someone who's supposed to be dead?
Kieron is angrydid get married too spoiler when he sees John Paul hugging Craig
Frankie and Steph want to call an ambulance as Jack's condition deteriorates, whereas Darren thinks Jack needs his spray and races to get it.
Kieron wants John Paul to prove his love to him by marrying him next week; but John Paul can't do it, Kieron asks if it's over, and John Paul's silence speaks volumes.
Michaela watches Mike work as she waits for Amy, but is disappointed when Zoe returns.
Amy worries about what people will say when they find out she's pregnant again
Jacqui struggles to cope after giving up Max:
Kieran Breaks Up With John Paul
John Paul Is With Craig And Breaks Up With Kieran Just Beofre Kieran Is Poisoned By Niall.
Niall Reveals All His Attacks To Kieran Before He Dies.
Fletch Left For Good?
Kieran Finds The Person Who Adopted Niall.
Niall's Real Name Is Matthew.
Niall Sleeps With Steph?
'Who's Calvin kissing on his stag do?'
When Craig returns home Darren tells him that Frankie doesnt want to see him because he's scared Craig will see Jack.
Niall Takes All The Mcqueen Girls Hostage And One Will Die. Tina? Jaqui? Carmel? Or Mercedes?
Jacqui Takes Over The Business 'Washed Up'
Warren And Mandy Plan Further For Louise's Wedding
Steph See's Jack, Finding Out He's Stidid get married too spoilerll Alive.
Kris And Malachy Have A Big Fight At The SU Bar.
Russ Is In For A 宝贝疙瘩 Shock!
Malachy Reveals he has HIV
Leo reveals he is going to propose to Val
Val and Calvin Kiss
Carmel cant walk in her wedding dress
Warren and Mandy kiss and sleep together!
Myra and Leo kiss
John Paul misses Kierons funeral to take Carmel down the aisle
Niall spikes John Pauls drink but accidentally drinks it himself
Craig and John Paul leave together


IM AFRAID I THINK TINA DIES


BIGGER RUMOUR.

Apparently, The CLIFF THING With Steph Is Going To Be Niall Taking Steph Hostage And Going Mental. Maybe Niall Will Kill Steph :S


OMG thank you
Xx_Jenn_xX: "Mercedes deserves some comeuppance for being a tart it but i love Kris!"

WTF?!!! OK, so Kris is not exactly her male equivalent but I bet there wouldn't be a comment like that about a guy

OMG! Fantastic spoilers! I hope they're all true (except the HIV one with Kris - i mean, Mercedes deserves some comeuppance for being a tart it but i love Kris!)
Thanx :D
OMD what amazing spoilers
wont need to watch hollyoaks again
thanks

why praise danceWhy do praise dancers in church dance with white face paint and black clothes on?

I have never heard of this. Do you have a link with more info? Location?
They want you to focus on the song instead of clothes or who they are. Only mimes dawhy praise dancences with white face paint and black clothes.

I can't speak for other churches, but in the fellowship I attend,why praise dance that doesn't happen. We wear regular clothes. I'm just wondering where you got such an idea.

D1
looks like a mime
I've never seen this.

sample questions newlywed gameHow should I deal with my Monster

OK, to spare you of the time it would take for me to explain everything that has happened throughout my 5 year-long relationship (we married in October), I'm going to try and be concise about my problem. Basically, my husband's family, including mother are the most mean-spirited people I've ever encountered. I consider myself a very honest, compassionate, empathetic person who has done everything under the sun to try and win their affections to no avail. I have made phone calls, written emails, sent out invitations, gotten nice gifts, etc. and I've never been successful. Instead, they are cold, callous, calculating, and curt. In the past, I have tried to play their game (which is pretty much the only way to please my husband's mother...who also makes rules only to break them anyway for her benefit), but it's just really not working.

So, I've come to the end of the road for myself. I can't keep trying to win them over. Unfortunately, my husband feels caught in the middle. But, I keep trying to explain to him that it's not his job to force a resolution....it's downright impossible actually when you're not dealing with a rational person(s). In a nutshell, we finally gave them an ultimatum: Either they change their ways, or WE WILL CUT THEM OFF! My husband is psample questions newlywed gameetrified that they really will cut him off. I don't want that to happen, but I'm at the point where I REFUSE to budge, yet they may cut him off b/c those are the kinds of people they are. I feel like we had no choice but to draw our line in the sand. Please note that the MIL is the type of person who NEVER apologizes, takes responsibility, or admits any kind or wrongdoing. So, my question is: Do any of you have suggestions or experiences regarding how to handle this situation? It's very painful and stressful...and, we're newlyweds!

PS: (F.Y.I....here's a small sampling of things they have done to me)

a. They didn't celebrate our engagement (made up an excuse saying that they didn't need to b/c they expected it)

b. My husband's brother and his wife never acknowledge me when I'm present; his wife was invited to my bridal shower and did not even RSVP, nor did she attend our rehearsal dinner (made an excuse about how she HAD to work-she's a bartender)....although, somehow she was able to attend her own wedding the year before and when she came to our wedding, she and her husband left early without saying anything except "goodbye" and proceeded to give us a cheap, tacky gift.

c. When my husband's brother got married, they left my name off of thsample questions newlywed gamee invitation and shower invitation (even though we've been living together for 3 years). When we brought it up, excuses were made and there was no consideration for my feelings

**The list goes on and on and on....help! :)
This isn't what you want to hear but the truth is you two will be better off without them.They will continue with this behavior even if they agree not to.I have been married to my husband for 21 years we have not seen his family in 20 years.It was better for us than to be treated with such disrespect.They didn't even bother to come to our wedding they had to go to a "car show" yep that was their excuse.So my advice is to just cut them off.Your life will be better with out them but if your husband doesn't agree I suggest you move on from him.I know you love him but it would be easier than having him resent you because he can't see his family.I'm sorry but I wouldn't want anyone to live with the one they love resenting them.Good Luck.
go to www.motherinlawstories.com.....a community of people like you....and me :( and go to the message boards, you'll learn a lot!

pictures of self mutilationIs it odd to think about self

Is it odd to think about self-mutilation (a.k.a. self-harm, or "cutting") but know you would never do it? whenever I'm feeling extremely down I will often picture wrists and legs and shoulders all cut up and it sometimes comforts me. I have thought about harming myself but I know I would never be able to do it.

Is this weird and am I at risk of harming myself?

Any other information you could give me would be great.
It should ultimately help you gain wisdom. The aim is to achieve that goal of self-actualization.
Yes it is weird, and the fact that you would "NEVER BE ABLE TO DO IT TO YOURSELF" is even worse. I would get some help, now before thipictures of self mutilationngs start to get out of hand. If you are honest with a good doctor that you have known, they shouldn't lock you up or anything. But there IS a chemical imbalance, no fault of your own, that can be treated/managed.
It's not a risk. I ALWAYS think about jumping off high buildings and platforms, and I have never done that, thinking about it gives me enough thrill, and doing so would be stupidity and that will fall into a completely different category.
It is good you know the difference between obtaining the feeling through imagination and actually cutting yourself as a habit.
There's nothing wrong with you.
I can only tell you about my child who told me she could nepictures of self mutilationver cut herself, but she did. She has scars all over her arm. She pierced her own ears and lip. Seek help now, before you give in and harm yourself. PS The lip has healed. The ears healed and were repierced, correctly. But she still has the scars and is in councilling.
It would not be considered normal.
In my opinion, if you have a problem with yourself, solve it at once.
People who try to cut themselves or "attempt" suicide with 5 aspirins are worst than the ones actually jumping from their rooftop.
In life you have 2 choices: Fight or give up.
Don't stuck in between. I can assure you that it is worst than anything.