OK, to spare you of the time it would take for me to explain everything that has happened throughout my 5 year-long relationship (we married in October), I'm going to try and be concise about my problem. Basically, my husband's family, including mother are the most mean-spirited people I've ever encountered. I consider myself a very honest, compassionate, empathetic person who has done everything under the sun to try and win their affections to no avail. I have made phone calls, written emails, sent out invitations, gotten nice gifts, etc. and I've never been successful. Instead, they are cold, callous, calculating, and curt. In the past, I have tried to play their game (which is pretty much the only way to please my husband's mother...who also makes rules only to break them anyway for her benefit), but it's just really not working.
So, I've come to the end of the road for myself. I can't keep trying to win them over. Unfortunately, my husband feels caught in the middle. But, I keep trying to explain to him that it's not his job to force a resolution....it's downright impossible actually when you're not dealing with a rational person(s). In a nutshell, we finally gave them an ultimatum: Either they change their ways, or WE WILL CUT THEM OFF! My husband is psample questions newlywed gameetrified that they really will cut him off. I don't want that to happen, but I'm at the point where I REFUSE to budge, yet they may cut him off b/c those are the kinds of people they are. I feel like we had no choice but to draw our line in the sand. Please note that the MIL is the type of person who NEVER apologizes, takes responsibility, or admits any kind or wrongdoing. So, my question is: Do any of you have suggestions or experiences regarding how to handle this situation? It's very painful and stressful...and, we're newlyweds!
PS: (F.Y.I....here's a small sampling of things they have done to me)
a. They didn't celebrate our engagement (made up an excuse saying that they didn't need to b/c they expected it)
b. My husband's brother and his wife never acknowledge me when I'm present; his wife was invited to my bridal shower and did not even RSVP, nor did she attend our rehearsal dinner (made an excuse about how she HAD to work-she's a bartender)....although, somehow she was able to attend her own wedding the year before and when she came to our wedding, she and her husband left early without saying anything except "goodbye" and proceeded to give us a cheap, tacky gift.
c. When my husband's brother got married, they left my name off of thsample questions newlywed gamee invitation and shower invitation (even though we've been living together for 3 years). When we brought it up, excuses were made and there was no consideration for my feelings
**The list goes on and on and on....help! :)
This isn't what you want to hear but the truth is you two will be better off without them.They will continue with this behavior even if they agree not to.I have been married to my husband for 21 years we have not seen his family in 20 years.It was better for us than to be treated with such disrespect.They didn't even bother to come to our wedding they had to go to a "car show" yep that was their excuse.So my advice is to just cut them off.Your life will be better with out them but if your husband doesn't agree I suggest you move on from him.I know you love him but it would be easier than having him resent you because he can't see his family.I'm sorry but I wouldn't want anyone to live with the one they love resenting them.Good Luck.
go to www.motherinlawstories.com.....a community of people like you....and me :( and go to the message boards, you'll learn a lot!
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